I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
