how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
