How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
