Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
