I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
