Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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