He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
