So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
