Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
