I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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