I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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