so that wasnt chicken after all
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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