What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am naked and annoyed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
