as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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