so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
