he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You pole danced in your parka.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My bed smells like the plague
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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