remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
