Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
