I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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