This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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