Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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