he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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