My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
