According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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