So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
