These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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