what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize