I looked at my own cervix.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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