I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
