You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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