So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
