she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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