When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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