the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize