where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
