You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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