Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
