I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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