I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
