just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
