I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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