You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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