there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
