Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
