I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
