You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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