Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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