You really coming over, don't trick.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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