No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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