Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
