so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
