I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
