I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
