I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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