Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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