Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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