My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
