Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
