I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
