Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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