What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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