Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
