If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
