It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
