Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
