if you like me you must not know who I am
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
