Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
